


Thoughts Before Death

by Peggysousfan



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abby menioned, Angst, Bellamy mentioned, Canon Compliant, Clarke 'dying', Clarke's POV, Dying thoughts, F/M, Internal Thoughts, Regret, Season/Series 06, Sort Of, madi mentioned, then Bellamy's, two sides of one event, very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25272511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peggysousfan/pseuds/Peggysousfan
Summary: Clarke's internal thoughts before she is killed by the Lightbournes.
Relationships: Abby Griffin & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Madi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Clarke's Perspective

To say I was hurt by Cillian's betrayal would be an understatement. It was a one night stand, sure, but the one time I let my guard down in almost a hundred years, give or take, and now I'm paralyzed with no control of my own body. I guess I should be more angry at myself. _How could I let this happen? Maybe my mom was right... I am a cancer. A disease. Nothing good ever happens when I'm around._

I tried to do better, live a normal life without fear, and now here I am, paralyzed, as I watch the guy I started to like kidnap me and cover himself in gel to hopefully survive the radiation shield. H _ow could I have been so nieve?_ To think this was actually going to work out. To think life was going to be okay for once. No more running or fighting; just peace.

And now everything has changed into chaos. Again.

I can't move my limbs at all. The only thing I can do is look around, but even then my vision isn't completely normal. It's the drug he used, I guess it has that effect.

Cillan talks while applying the gel, explaining his plan. _This is a seriously fucked up way to rescue someone._ Not that I can't handle my own, but this is unnecassary.

He gets closer and all I want to do is pull away and run, but I can't. I'm trapped in my own body with no mobility. No freewill. He wants to take me to the children of Gabriel, to keep me safe, but this is no way to try and save someone. _Dammit just move, Clarke!_ I try as hard as I can but my body doesn't budge. I'm frozen in place.

Two guards from the palace open the door, taking down Cillian. Instead of taking him prisoners, Cillan slits his own throat. _What the hell..._

_How the hell did I sleep with this guy? Can things get any worse?_

"Send for Russel Prime." One of the guards says, and his companion leaves the room.

The first one picks me off the bed and carries me through the room, taking me away. Hopefully there is an antidote to this damn drug so I can move again. I hate this.

He carries me through the back, away from prying eyes. Probably not to scare anyone in their celebration, but I can't help the feeling that something is still wrong. I mean, things couldn't possibly get worse than this, right? Where's Bellamy right now? Or Madi? If this is happening because I'm a nightblood, I can't let it happen to her. I need Bellamy to check on her. Keep her safe.

I haven't seen them since the party, and honestly I can't think of anything else. I need to get moving again.

"What is this?" I look around with my eyes and they land on Russel prime. He looks back at me and instantly notices the problem.

"It was Cillian, sir. He was the traitor. I heard a noise from afar and found this girl paralyzed while Cillan tried to make an escape. We think he was trying to take her to the children or Gabriel."

I have no idea what half of that means, but of course it's not good. Russel's face says it all. Come on and give me the antidote already!

"Did anyone else see you carry her?"

"No, your holiness." Again, conflict on Russel's face. _What the hell is going on?_

"Good. Good." He mumbles the second time and looks at me directly, tears forming in his eyes. _Did I miss something?_ "Take her away to the palace. Meet me there."

I feel the guard move, I guess to nod, before carrying me away again. Now I'm more worried. _Why was he crying?_ He barely knows me. And it's not like I'm dying, I'm fine, just drugged. _Why hasn't he given me the antidote yet? What's going on?_

The guard carries me to the place with glass doors. The first building Emori and Murphy tried to break into when we first got to sanctum. If only I could move my head more I could see my surroundings better. But when the doors open I wish they hadn't. Skeletons are everywhere, I guess lined up from the looks of it, but my vision is too blurry to know for sure.

"Set her on the table and leave us." Russel's voice.

Something doesn't feel right. I need to get out of here. Now. _Dammit body, move!_ And of course it doesn't.

_Fuck!_

"What is this?" I think that was Simone, Russel's wife. She comes into view so now I know it's her. She doesn't know what this is either? _What's going on?!_

"Cillan was the traitor and he killed himself. But that wasn't until he used the paralytic on Clarke."

"Russell, why haven't you used the antidote?" So there is one, good. Now use the damn thing and let me go.

"You know why." He walks to her and places a hand on Simone's necklace, startling her. Great, cause that's a good sign. "She has the blood. Tell me not to do this and I won't, Simone."

Now she looks conflicted. _Dammit where is Bellamy_? I can't move. I can't scream. I can't fight. There is no way out of this....

"Jade is back. Rose is dead."

Rose? The little girl? Of course things can get worse. When have they not.

But what does this have to do with me? Why is nightblood so important?

"Okay so here's the math." Russel is speaking again, and this time more determined. "There are no more hosts. There was a 14 year difference between Delilah and Rose. 14 years! Josie is still third in line which means her host won't be born at, best guess, 35 years. Another 21 till the brain is ready. We can wait 56 years to get our baby girl back or we can bring her back tonight. All we have to do is kill this innocent girl..."

_No no no no!! Dammit! I need to move, now! Come on!!_

And still...nothing.

The only thing that comes is a wet streak on my cheek. That's it. _Is this really the end? Is this how I die?_

Simone kisses Russel's cheek before opening her pendant. It looks like a chip, an A.I. I don't like where this is going... I'm going to die alone. _Why didn't I see this coming?_ Of course Sanctum is too good to be true. The primes murder people, hosts, and revive the dead. Now I'm next.

I won't get to say goodbye to Madi, mom, or... or Bellamy.

I'll never be able to make amends with my friends. They'll never know how much I care. How sorry I am for what happened and what I did. Madi will be alone again... Mom too. And Bellamy... We just became friends again. And now it's over.

"Hey, shh it's okay, Clarke. You're giving us such a gift." When did Russel walk in front of me?

He wipes a new tear away while he holds my cheek in his hands, upset and yet relieved and happy all at once. _How could they do this_? It isn't right.

_Mom, Madi, Bellamy... I'm sorry I couldn't do better._

**(Black out)**

End...

Or is it?


	2. The Other Way Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This shows Bellamy's perspective of watching Clarke 'die' because of the Lightbournes.
> 
> Or
> 
> The Anomaly shows Bellamy how Clarke was almost killed by the Primes in season 6

The green fog that had enveloped Bellamy disappeared just as quickly. He looks around to see his surroundings and his breath stops when he sees her.A Sanctum guard carrying an immobile Clarke in his arms. She's completely still, her hair the only movement Bellamy can see. She's wearing her blue dress, the same she had when she was dancing with the Sanctum doctor. But none of what he was seeing made sense. The last time he saw her she was standing and walking fine; and not wearing a dress. 

"Clarke?" He rushes over to her but phases right through her, stopping his movement. He's stunned in place only to turn around and here Simone Lightbournes voice.

"What is this?" She walks over to her husband and looks to Clarke. Russel glances at Clarke with an odd expression, almost conflicted, and Bellamy begins to panic. 

"Set her on the table and leave us." Russel's voice.

The guard does as he's told and places Clark on the table. She isn't moving at all, her body completely still. Bellamy rushes over to her an his heart strains in his chest. She's scared- no, scratch that- she's terrified. Her eyes are they only thing moving and he can see the sheer raw emotion they show; and he can't help her. 

Bellamy reaches out to her and kneels in front of her, but she can't see him, and he can't touch her. He looks around in the room and immediately knows where they are, Sanctum's 'holiest place'. The place where they kill people, erase their minds, and make them hosts.

"Cillan was the traitor and he killed himself. But that wasn't until he used the paralytic on Clarke." At hearing this Bellamy whips to look at the Primes. _So that explains where he disappeared to._ Bellamy thinks to himself. Now he knows how long Clarke was gone and just how long Josephine was pretending to be her.

This is how Clarke is killed.

As he realizes this his heart rate spikes. She was alone. Completely and utterly alone... and Bellamy was know where near. He berates himself once more for not paying enough attention, for not protecting her the way he should have. Clarke didn't deserves this. She doesn't. 

"Russell, why haven't you used the antidote?" Simone speaks up as she looks between a paralyzed Clarke and her husband. No one can see Bellamy.

"You know why." He walks to her and places a hand on Simone's necklace, startling her. "She has the blood. Tell me not to do this and I won't, Simone." Instead of answering him the way he expects, she delivers striking news.

"Jade is back. Rose is dead."

"Okay so here's the math." Russel is speaking again, and this time more determined. "There are no more hosts. There was a 14 year difference between Delilah and Rose. 14 years! Josie is still third in line which means her host won't be born at, best guess, 35 years. Another 21 till the brain is ready. We can wait 56 years to get our baby girl back or we can bring her back tonight. All we have to do is kill this innocent girl..."

Bellamy jumps up at this and rushes towards Russel, his fist raised in the air, but hits nothing. The force of his own hand is enough to make Bellamy stumble. He straightens himself and tries as hard as he can to shove the Primes away, to take Clarke away, but it's no use. 

He looks to Clarke and sees wet streaks down her cheek. She knows. Clarke is about to die and she has no one with her, no one she loves. She's alone. Bellamy rushes to her side kneeling before her, his own tears falling down as he helplessly reaches out to wipe away her own. 

"I'm here, Clarke. I'm here! You're not alone, okay? I'll fix this I promise." He stutters as his hand phases through her cheek, the fear in her eyes is gone, only to be replaced by despair. She knows she's about to die and she thinks she's alone. "Clarke!"

Simone kisses Russel's cheek before opening the pendant he had touched earlier around her neck. It looks like a chip, an A.I. and Bellamy knows where this is going. It's Josephine's mind drive. 

"NOOO!!!" He stands and charges at Russel, but it's still no use. He goes right through.

"Hey, shh it's okay, Clarke. You're giving us such a gift." 

"Gift my ass!" Bellamy scoffs, choking on his own words as he watches everything unfold.

Simone comes from behind with a syringe, one Bellamy recognizes from the video in the lab. They're going to wipe her mind. He curses and kneels beside her, desperate to do anything to stop this, but he can't. Its inevitable. 

"Clarke..." Bellamy reaches out again, hovering over her cheek, his own lip wobbling in defeat. This is it. He can't help her. 

Simone inserts the syringe into her neck, making Clarke's eyes flutter shut into darkness. Her world turning upside down. Bellamy watches her eyes close as he ducks his head down, a sob racking over his body.

"We will meet again. I promise."

Those were his last words before another whirl of green engulfs Bellamy, taking him away from his heart...

**Author's Note:**

> I may continue this, I may not. Depends on if anyone is interested and has any ideas or prompts for more :) Any comments and kudos help!


End file.
